i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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