I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
In America we eat man semen.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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