Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
