Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
