i think my mom watched the whole time
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
