I must be too annoying 4 u.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
