There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
