Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
