looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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