Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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