My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
