in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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