New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
