I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
