the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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