i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
