I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
