let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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