i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
