Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
