have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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