your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
