put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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