my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
