You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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