It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
