so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
