guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
