I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
