life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
