Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
