Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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