Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
