so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
