By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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