I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
