I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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