I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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