So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
