I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
