Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
