Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
