sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hippo gnu deer
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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