why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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