i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
