She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
