is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
