Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
