I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
