I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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