Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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