jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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