I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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