When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
