just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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