I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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